Things I Don't Want to Forget About Natalie

When Natalie climbs onto a chair while it is still under the table - thus getting stuck and crying because she is in a kneeling position wedged between the chair and the table.

Shortly after putting Natalie to bed the other night we heard loud shouting from her room. It didn't quite sound like crying but I was not sure what it was, so I went in to find out. She proceeded to sing "Happy birthday to you daddy. Happy birthday to you". (It wasn't my birthday, but it made my heart melt).

How much Natalie likes to hold her sister Kaia "by self", meaning by herself. She gives her kisses, snuggles with her, and sometimes tickles her too.

How much Natalie likes to sing and dance.

How much fun it is to chase and tickle Natalie.

The way Natalie says "wawer" instead of water.

How excited she gets when she sees the moon. she just loves to look for it and is always disappointed if it is not out or it is too cloudy to see it.

How much she loves to run when we are outside - and how often her running is accompanied by her saying "corre Natalie, corre Natalie"! Plus, when she runs, it is often only her left arm that pumps vigorously, while the other one just flops around at her side.

Natalie is quite smart already, and when we went to the store the other day, she asked for a peppermint because I sometimes share a peppermint with her after a trip to the store. Since we had already had a treat that day, I told her that we wouldn't get a peppermint. she promptly said, "Natalie want peppermint. Help stomach feel better". She is already feigning illness to try and get what she wants!!!

Kaia Louise Williams

Kaia was born on the 24th at 3:40 in the morning. She weighed 7 lbs 15 oz and was 19 1/2 inches long. She has pretty much slept most of the time since then, which is a wonderful answer to prayer. Jamie and natalie on the other hand, have hardly slept at all, so if you think of it, pray that they would sleep.

 

More Fun With Natalie

I have always enjoyed kids. But to be completely honest, I feel more comfortable with kids as they get a bit older and can interact more. I have had a lot of fun with Natalie as she has grown up from a screaming helpless newborn, but I have to say that I am enjoying it more each day as I get to play with her, make her laugh, listen to her sing and talk about anything and everything, and just interact with her more. The other day we went to a park nearby and I had fun taking some pictures of her. I finally figured out a way to get her to smile a bit more "normal", but I enjoy her open mouth grin with eyes closed too.

Anyway, I just have fun being her dad. She is talking so much now. Yesterday when I walked in the house after work she looks at me with a very serious look and a furrowed brow and says "Natalie wants to color REAAAAALLY bad". She kept repeating this for several minutes until we got out the coloring book and I sat down to color with her. You just never know what to expect.

Laughter

As stressful and tiring as parenting can be at times, having a child around also brings a great deal of laughter. There are so many moments where Natalie just makes me laugh a good deep belly laugh and I love it. It is a good break from the seriousness of life.

Last night she was taking a bath and she had some gas that resulted in bubbles suddenly bursting around her. Well, she looks at Jamie and I and we laugh at the surprised/amused look on her face, which I am sure she interpreted as approval because she starts grunting and and doubling over. This soon results in more bubbles and more laughter. Keep in mind, Natalie is only 21 months old, so she has yet to master the art of controlling her bodily functions. Thus after a few times of pushing and bubbles and laughter - she strains so hard she pushes out a nice pellet of poop! Oh, the joys of bathing a child...

Then there was the night a few weeks ago when she woke up at 2:30 in the morning (not at all unusual for her) and I went in to pray with her and put her back to sleep. As soon as I walked in the room, she says "ice cream?" What in the world kid? It is the middle of the night and we are both half asleep, but you are asking for ice cream? I couldn't help but laugh out loud even if I was half asleep.

A couple days ago, she woke up early from a nap, so I told her to try and sleep a little longer and then I left the room. A few minutes later, I hear her on the monitor singing! She was singing twinkle twinkle little star as good as she could, which sounds a bit like this:

twinkle twinkle star

wonder are

up above the world high

like diamond sky

twinkle star

I just had to laugh at how cute she was. Anyway, I have never had anything bring a genuine deep smile to my face so quickly as my child. And speaking of smiles, Natalie has a rather interesting and entertaining way of smiling, but I love it! Here are a few examples.

Politics

I can't wait for November 17th! Ok, maybe some of the days before that will be nice too, but on that day we won't have to hear who is ahead in this poll or that poll - who is more "electable" - or who is better qualified for the job. Now for anyone that may think I am uninformed, or just don't care about my country, that is just not the case. I am far more informed and aware this election year than I ever have been...but I am also far more tired of hearing all of it.

Let's be honest, both sides are vying for the flag of "change" to fly high over their respective campaigns, but if we are honest enough to take a step back, both sides are twisting words, and attacking the other side with half truths and out-of-context quotes that really are used to deceive the American people not engaged enough to research it more (which is probably a lot of us).  Yes, I will end up voting in November. Yes, this is a historic election with a lot of implications for our future as a country. But I am still tired of the constant analysis, counter-analysis, and over-analysis of every move that the politicians take and every breath they breath. Is it really necessary to have an expert on facial expressions analyze the nonverbal signals on Bill Clinton's face during his wife's speech? This and other absurd topics are being discussed as if they might just determine the quality of leadership that ends up in the White House.

I just wish I could hear more about what the candidates want to do for their country and less about what the other guy is doing wrong. Since when did pointing out someone else's flaws make you a better leader? I apologize for venting about this, but it just frustrates me. Too many of us drink in all this media coverage and political speculation like it is the very marrow of life sometimes, but at the end of the day (or the end of the election), we will still have a flawed, human, fallible, and imperfect leader leading our country. We will have plenty of time to be critics after the election. I just wish we could spend more time focusing on the good that they hope to accomplish before the election rather than pointing out how the "other guy" (or girl) is going to singlehandedly drive our nation into oblivion. 

And maybe that is just it. We want someone to save us from the mess we are in. We have lots of messes in fact. But no one person can save us from these messes and turn it all around. At least not a political leader. Many of us have high hopes and high expectations for this upcoming election. But no matter who ends up in the oval office, change will not effectively happen from the top down. You can legislate many things to modify and try to guide people's behavior, but you cannot legislate a change in their hearts. A government can try to guide it's citizens as wisely as is possible, but it will not be able to change people's perspectives, their hearts, and the way they interact with others. For me, I think I am just realizing more an more that I have responsibility as well. It is not leaders who will change things in this country, it is people who care and who love others around them. It is not supreme court justices, presidents, or senators who will cause meaningful change in our country, it is us. Sure it may help to have a leader who can give us an example of that and who can inspire us to action, but that does not negate our own responsibility.

There is a lot more I could vent about, but the point is that I am frustrated with politics right now. the world goes on one day at a time and few have the luxury of waiting until November to see if things will change. Few have the years to wait for legislation to be passed so that this "change" each candidate promises can affect their lives. I talk with single mothers who are in hiding because their abusive ex-boyfriends are trying to find them, but they don't have the resources to get away. I work with students who are struggling to learn English, yet in their former countries they were respected lawyers, fashion designers, and businessmen. These people cannot wait for several years to see if the right laws will be passed and they might finally receive some much needed help. They need it now. You can't legislate love. And yes, while it may sound cliche', we need to start truly loving those around us.  I hope that we don't get so focused on the "big picture" of our nation that we forget to "be the change that we want to see in the world" (Gandhi). I will finish with a quote from Mother Teresa:

"If I look at the mass, I will never act. If I look at the one, I will."  

In all our arguments and analyses of this election, may we not overlook those in need around us and may we truly be the "change" that so many of us hope for.

The Middle Places

My main purpose in writing this blog was, from the start, to simply record my thoughts and maybe some things that are going on in my life. Lately, I have felt intimidated as I start to write new entries and then stop writing before I am finished. The truth is that I think I want to write something brilliant or witty, but if I only wanted to capture those moments of my life I would only have one entry per year. Why the pressure? I don't know, maybe it is the fact that I know people will read some of these entries, but the truth is that very few people actually read them anyway. So I will now attempt to get back to the point of this whole endeavor.

Life is filled with ups and downs. It seems that sometimes there are overwhelming ups when everything is going just right and life seems ideal. Then there are the nearly suffocating downs that make you wonder if anything will ever bring a smile to your face again. Yet it seems that most of life is spent in the middle places.
The middle places consist of a mixture of smaller ups and downs that often coincide so that each day can be spent swinging back and forth between joy, confusion, frustration, laughter, and tears. Maybe that is why words often defy me. It is easy to write about the spectacular, but it is hard to write about the ordinary. While I know that some would encourage me to find the spectacular moments in the ordinary days - it is not always an easy thing to do. Even when those moments do come, it is hard to capture them in words when all I want to do is sit and soak them up as much as possible.
My current journey through the middle places has me excited and a little bit scared about having another child in four or five weeks, thankful for a job that I enjoy - working with a unique group of students, and yet discouraged that budget issues are not allowing me to get as many hours in the fall quarter. I am hopeful about a full time position that I have applied for, yet afraid to get my hopes up too much. I am tired of being in pain, yet hesitant to see doctors because of frustration involved with that whole process. I am "homesick" for my family since they are all on the Oregon coast for vacation without us this week, and yet I am thrilled with my immediate family that will soon be getting larger. I am enjoying settling in Spokane again, but I am feeling the itch to be overseas also.
Maybe this is not "normal" for a lot of people, but it seems that my life consists of many fluctuating and varying influences that cause me to spend a lot of time in the middle places of life. In the midst all of this though, I am very thankful for the moments of joy that do get me through the confusion. Moments when I look in the rear view mirror and see Natalie asleep in her car seat with her head drooping lazily down and to the side and her sunglasses her nose and forehead because of their wild angle. Moments when a student I have been working with for months finally reaches a goal and I get to witness their joy. Sometimes it is the way my wife smiles when I walk in the door, and sometimes it is memories of different episodes of "The Office". Last weekend, it was just fun to take Natalie out to the lake and watch her have fun waving at the fish that swarmed around our feet. The look on her face as she worked up the courage to jump off the dock (holding my hands) was amazing.
I love the moments of joy and don't always cherish the times of frustration and stress, but this is life. It is a journey of ups and downs, with some bigger than others. Lately though, it seems that much of my life has been spent in the in between places. There it is...nothing profound...nothing witty or clever, just the reality of life the past few weeks.

Sleep Deprived

Sleep is a wonderful thing! At least that is what I hear. I will let you know how I feel about it when I can experience it for myself...

Natalie has never been a good sleeper. I know, you are probably thinking "what do you expect Jeff, she is a baby?". Well, yes, I understand that there will be some issues from time to time with any child, but she has had more than most. The first 5 months of her life found me often awake with her for several hours in the middle of the night while she cried and screamed. then we transitioned to the point where she would sleep, but it came in spurts of an hour or two and the wake ups lasted for 15 or 20 minutes. Even that doesn't sound too bad if she did it for a long time, but she has never slept very long at night and her naps were even more irregular and short if they existed at all.

Now to be fair - she has improved greatly in the last couple months. In fact, she is probably averaging waking up only 1-3 times a night lately which has been a nice change. But the last three nights she has had a fever and not slept well. Last night I personally did pretty good and probably got a total of about six hours, which is good compared to the 3-4 hours of the previous nights.

So what is my point? I love sleep! It is incredibly challenging on so many levels to function consistently on much less sleep than I would ideally choose. I am exhausted. I look forward to when the next child is born in about 7 weeks because I think it should all get much better with two kids around!