Children

So last night at church, our new pastor, Dan Lance (www.revrock.org), shared with us a challenging and yet encouraging message about a life poured out for Christ and others. I won't try to summarize the message since it will be available online at http://www.thestirring.org/listen.shtml within a week or two. I do, however want to share some reflections that are part my own, and part my wife's.
It can often be hard to separate ourselves from our own cultural lenses when examining our lives. We have had the incredibly valuable experience of living as minorities overseas for almost three years, and this allowed us to see our own culture more clearly in many ways. One of the most stark contrasts between our culture and the Filipino culture we lived in was the emphasis on family relationships. This blog entry is also not the place for an elegant comparison of cultures, but this is enough to bring me to the point of my ramblings. Children!
Jesus consistently cared for the most powerless, outcast, and marginalized people in his society when he walked the earth. As followers of his we are called to do the same, and Dan challenged us last night to think about who the marginalized in our own community are. While it is easy to think of homeless people, those living in poverty, and maybe ethnic minorities, I was challenged by another thought last night. Children. Not that any of the other groups are less deserving or less in need of Jesus' love. Children though, seem to be some of the most marginalized people in our American culture. We are so caught up in pursuing our own lives and our own "rights" to happiness and contentment, that we often toss aside our children or only give them the leftovers of a life that should be more fully devoted to caring for, nurturing, and teaching them.
It is not hard to see evidence of broken families in our American culture, and the children are the ones that are probably the most deeply affected by this indirect "violence" that is done to them. Yet even in families that are not broken visibly, children are consistently faced with the reality that many parents want to pursue their own dreams, their own career goals, and their own pleasure before they want to care for their children. How many families are caught up in pursuing the "American Dream" while neglecting their own children in order to make the mortgage payment, buy the new boat, or just get a lot o money? Truly this topic could be expounded upon for a great while, yet my point is merely to say that I believe children are one of the most marginalized, neglected, and powerless groups of people in our country.
Even as Christians, we must be careful of this tendency. My wife, Jamie, has chosen during the first year of our daughter's life, to stay at home with her while I work. Jamie is an amazingly talented woman with a Master's degree, a natural ability to organize and pay attention to details, and an incredible amount of brains, and honestly, I have no doubt that she could do my job more efficiently and more productively than me. Jamie could easily get any number of jobs in this area and get paid well enough to put Natalie into a great daycare and to have money left over for us to get more of the "stuff" that any good American could want. She could get a job that would allow her to have recognition, praise, and personal gain. Yet, she has chosen to spend her days with a very expressive, dramatic and wonderful one year old who neither gives her praise, nor recognition for all that she does. More than ever, I am convinced that she is living a life poured out for the "least of these" like Christ would have her do. Yet even in this, there is pressure at times from well meaning Christians to do something "useful" or more "ministry" focused. But often it really is just a clever way of say, "we don't value what you are putting your time into - why don't you do something more fulfilling or glorious?". Don't get me wrong, I am not opposed to women working, I am not opposed to daycare, and I am not a male chauvinist. Rather, I would just like to say that we need to start valuing those who do take care of our children. Whether it is daycare providers, teachers, moms, dads, relatives, or anyone else - they are one of the least valued groups by our society oftentimes. Even when they do get recognition it is recognition for being a means to serve our own ends.
Will Jamie always stay at home? I don't know. But this isn't just about Jamie. It is about people all over the place who care for our children! Not only do we marginalize our children and neglect them for our own gain, but we also fail to value those that do care for them and thus, we marginalize them as well! Jamie is one of my heroes, and a constant challenge to me to live in a way that my life is poured out for others! It is easy to desire a life that is poured out for others in a glorious way. I sometimes dream of changing a whole town, a whole region, or even a country with the love of God. While that is a noble idea, part of what draws me to it is the recognition that might be received. It is much less glorious and rewarding to think about spending time with people who can't give you much recognition and who may not be appreciative for many years. Here again I come to Jesus. Jesus, spent time with many who could do nothing for him. He invested his life into so many people that were marginalized and neglected. And at the end of his life, he was abandoned to a lonely death without recognition, without glory, and without appreciation. If Jesus were to walk the streets of Redding, I know there are many that he would stop and care for. there are many hurting people that Jesus would pour out his life for with no question of recognition or status - only a desire to love and serve others. I am convinced that Jesus would care for the children in this area. And for those who daily pour out their lives to care for, love, and raise our children - I can not say thanks enough! You truly are walking in the way of Jesus! May we all begin to see those around us that are in need and may we begin to pour out our lives for others in a beautiful and powerful display of Jesus' sacrificing love!

Pain

Pain is interesting. I have lived with almost constant back and neck pain for several years now and for the most part I think that I deal with it ok. I have been realizing though, that it affects me more than I admit sometimes. It can significantly influence my emotions and my outlook on life at times. Pain is also interesting because it can be easy to compare my pain to someone else's and try to tell myself that mine is nothing compared to theirs - and it is true. But even though others may be in more pain than I am, it does not take mine away. I think someties we have so much pressure to be "strong" and have it all together so we just ignore or "medicate" the pain in our lives whether it is physical or emotional pain. Something I have been learning though, is that we have to be honest about our pain if we want it to be dealt with. Unless we admit that we have needs, nobody can help us. Much more can be said on this topic, but I just wanted to express that I am in pain. It doesn't mean that I am weak, or that my pain is even close to the pain many other people feel, but nonetheless, I am in pain. That's all...just thought I would be honest about what's on my mind.

Friends

Sometimes we just need other people. I could say a lot about how frustrating it can be to live in such a technologically advanced society and yet feel so isolated and alone at times, but that is a topic for another time. The last year has been really hard for us as we have lived in two different countries, four different cities, and transitioned through some of the most major life changes we can. It has been incredibly lonely at times, but I have been reminded numerous times of the incredible value of true friends. Sometimes I have been reminded of this value by their absence from my life and by their distance, but sometimes it has been a result of a friend caring at just the right time and reaching out to support, encourage and love.
Though whole books could be written about this, I just simply wanted to say that I have been reminded of the great blessing that relationships with others can provide and the great need that we have for others in our lives. I may still be young (at least I think so) but I have seen a lot, and I know that I would rather die poor and surrounded by true, loving friends than to get a great job that provides all I could want materially and yet leaves me isolated and lonely in the end. Wouldn't it be great if we all invested more in each other and less in getting that new flat screen plasma TV? I don't know about anyone else, but I hope and pray that my life can reflect my priorities in the long term and in the small decisions of everday - may my life reveal that people are more important to me than things...

I Ride a Scooter

A few months ago, we were given a 1985 Honda CH80 scooter. It is a wonderful gift and has served us well already. At this point, it is my primary means of transportation. Since I only have to commute about 6 miles to work each day, the scooter is a wonderful way for me to save gas and enjoy the fresh morning air. I'll be honest, I ride the scooter mostly because it is economical (80 miles per gallon) but also because it is my only option right now. My other option, a Nissan Sentra (also given to us) needs a new clutch and we can't afford to fix it right now.
This morning it was raining as I got ready for work. Part of me really wished I had the Nissan to drive today but instead, I put on my full rainsuit and rode to work. It was on the way to work that I realized how much our culture is focused on convenience. The thought of riding a scooter in the rain on a cold morning would make most people (myself included) balk. Why? Because it is not convenient to wear full rain gear; because it is cold; because it makes me "suffer" a little bit. We have so many options here in the United States, but I have to ask myself, "are we using these options wisely?" How can I best honor God with my resources? I think part of that answer for me, is riding my scooter even when it is cold and rainiy, and even if I have other options. Why? Because it is kinder to the environment, it saves gas, and it really is not that big of a deal to be "inconvenienced" for a few minutes each morning and evening.
Sometimes making a good choice is not convenient, but hopefully I can get past my American ideals that say I "deserve" comfort luxury in order to make choices that better honor God through the use of the resources he has given me. It is all His anyway, so how can I best use what he has allowed me to borrow for right now?

Learning to Walk

Natalie is learning to walk. It is a unique transitionary stage for her right now as she sometimes courageously lets go of our hands and walks clear across the room, while other times her hesitation and indecision lands her in a heap of suprised cries on the floor. It is fascinating to watch as babies grow and develop, continually gaining new skills and new freedom with these abilities. Admittedly, parents can get a little over-excited at times about new things. I mean honestly, who really cares if the baby had its first solid poop? But walking is a major step (no pun intended) in a child's development! Natalie is currently about 10 1/2 months old and charging fast into the world of increased personal mobility. It is fascinating to watch her as she learns to walk. Her face communicates so much with each step that she takes!
Often when she is standing and holding on to an object, such as our coffee, table, you can see her face get very focused as she begins to turn her body and position her feet to walk somewhere. She will then scope out her destination and after some brief moments of hesitation, she usually lets go and starts walking towards her goal. In the fleeting moments of walking, her face can go from fear, as she starts to lose her balance, to determination, when all else but her goal seems to fade from her vision, and sometimes overwhelming joy, as she nears her destination and knows that she has made it their all by herself! Sometimes as she is walking towards me, I can hardly contain my happiness as I watch her getting closer to me and her face transforms into the hugest smile, rendering her eyes virtually useless since they become tiny slits above her full cheeks!

As I have reflected on the last week or so of Natalie's development in this new ability we call walking, I have had a lot of questions on my mind. If my child is so eager to try new things and take risks, why do I so often avoid them? What is it in a child that drives them to keep trying over and over agian, even after surprising, and sometimes painful failure? Why do I give up so easily after real or perceived failure when this little girl can't even talk yet is so persistent in her pursuit of her goal?

Being a parent is a crazy thing. It can bring out a lot of emotion, it can scare a person like nothing else, and it can make you feel more helpless and confused at times than any other situation I have been in. I suppose that we can respond to the role of parenting in a lot of different ways. There are thousands of books on parenting and even more opinions from concerned family, friends, and complete strangers. It has been mentioned, for instance, that children who learn to walk before they learn to crawl have a harder time learning to read later on. Whether it is accurateor not, it puts pressure on parent's to get their child to crawl "correctly". Natalie has never had a "normal" crawl but she gets around just fine with a sort of one legged monkey scoot. I will be honest, I am thrilled that Natalie is learning to walk, and I couldn't care less that she never crawled "correctly".

My point is that I could easily respond as a parent by being disappointed that she didn't progress through her development in the "best" way. I could try to teach her how to crawl, or do any number of other things that someone might think is important. OR, I could choose to celebrate her courage and determination as she increases her ability to walk on her own. I can encourage her and cheer her on for her own unique ways of doing things that really don't hurt anyone even if they are a bit "different" than the many conflicting ideals floating around. And maybe this answers some of my questions about my own life. Maybe adults stop taking risks and pursuing our goals with such dogged determination because we are too concerned about doing things "right". We fear that if we make the wrong choice, fail in our attempts, or risk big and lose big, that our lives will somehow tragically end. It can be hard to sort through all the voices that are out there telling us what is the "best" way to live. Encouragement is not always easy to come by as we step out and try things, but Natalie has challenged me to step out anyway. Natalie starts each walking adventure with the determination to try, and then she takes a step. That first step sometimes ends up being the only one she takes before a dramatic fall, but other times it can be the start of something great as she walks by herself all the way across our apartment! It all starts with a dream or a goal and a simple step forward. May I live more like Natalie each day as I take steps to not only dream again and have big goals, but also as I take small steps to pursue those goals repeatedly until I begin to see the fruits of my labor. May we all dream a little more and learn to walk again like a child!

A Beginning

To be honest, I am not sure why I am writing this at all. I have no intentions of sharing this with anyone at this time and I have no idea if I will be able to update this with any regularity. I guess I just want to express some thoughts and share things as I think of them. I often have grand ideas of journaling regularly and recording things from my life, but I end up only getting around to it every 4-6 weeks and then I feel overwhelmed as if there is so much to process, catch up on, and write about. So my personal disclaimer is this - I do not plan to be regular about posting on this blog, though it would be nice if I approached regularity.

Really, I simply desire to record some thoughts so that I can look back at this period in my life and remember with some degree of accuracy the things that I was thinking about, the things that were happening, and the things that moved me in some way. Hopefully, as my daughter Natalie grows up (and as we possibly add to our family) it can also provide some means for reminiscing and reflecting upon the journey that is our lives. Eventually I may share this with others to hear their thoughts, reactions and critiques as well. It may turn out to be a more public even after all, but for now we will beging this journey quietly. Maybe all of that is just a fancy way of me trying to say that this will be my version of a scrapbook, but let's be honest - a scrapbooking man isn't too well received so we must blog instead.

The title is pretty self explanatory - "Thoughts Along The Way". As I said, this will serve as a random record of my thoughts as I progress through life. I suppose only time will tell what will come of this blog but for now I will just say this - Welcome aboard all you phantom blog readers!